


No Other Letters

by gonefishing



Category: Humans (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, More Hurt Than Comfort, Romance, Slice of Life, more a concatenation of super short drabbles than a fic, read it in 'entire work' mode, teens and up for mentions of illegal drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 01:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8231939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonefishing/pseuds/gonefishing
Summary: “Why are you so self-destructive, Mattie,” he says rather than asks.“I’m not. I like it,” she says.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in a desperate attempt to not do homework. This is un-beta'd. English is also not my first language, so I apologize. If you find grammar or spelling mistakes, don't hold back. Thank you, xo.  
> I also have no idea how coding works. ^^' 
> 
> I recommend to read this in the 'entire work' way.

Mattie sends him messages in code.  
They're encrypted sometimes, and other times she's making mistakes and all he receives are links to 404 error websites.


	2. Chapter 2

She goes dancing on Thursday evenings, befriends bouncers of dubstep music clubs and shakes her hair to beats and rhythms that pound louder than her heart.  
  
Her phone buzzes in her pocket while Mattie kisses people in places with addresses she doesn't know and she doesn't check the message until 4 a.m. in the morning, smoking weed on balconies of strangers.  
  
_You gotta be better than that._ It says and she doesn't miss him at all.  
  
_I'm _only_ human, you know._ She shuts her phone off.  
  
_Fair enough._ is missed.  



	3. Chapter 3

She buys milk in 2L cans, drives three hours outside the city to leave them in random places, sending the coordinates to him in emoji enigmas. He answers two days later with a photo of very low quality taken possibly afternoon-ish and it shows a half empty container in a roadside ditch.  
  
She sends ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ and waits for two and a half days more for _This device does not display japanese characters._


	4. Chapter 4

Internet memes help to mock him, and Mattie's sure that he does not appreciate it which makes it even better. She's also sure that this is the only way to cope with feelings that she doesn't want to define. His humor also helps. Humoring her back seems hard enough though, if you have the mentality of someone from the last century.


	5. Chapter 5

She wrecks her iPhone on a bad night and gets a new-old one from a classmate with a new number and without his. He finds out anyways and transfers eleven numbers in eleven different ways in eleven different days. Which is most likely his way of taking revenge. She's glad he's still a genius.


	6. Chapter 6

Moving out feels like a blessing and university takes her mind of him for a while. It takes it elsewhere; people take all kinds of things to heart when they feel the coerciveness to. The friends she makes take her to concerts and underground basement parties, where she takes time and drugs. Smart people get easily addicted to something, anything, that fogs the misery of knowledge, Mattie knows that while she cannot help herself. There're no feelings for her, no feelings at all. And no other letters.


	7. Chapter 7

He calls her at 8 a.m. to tell her in a quiet voice that they’re close to her city and if she wants to meet, they could, Mia would like to. Mia.  
  
“Why are you so self-destructive, Mattie,” he says rather than asks.  
  
“I’m not. I like it,” she says.  
  
And _It’s your fault._ is on the tip of her tongue, but she lets it go because it’s really not fair and because she wants to listen to him for a little longer.


	8. Chapter 8

She dances more and stops it with the drugs, because pills do not complete it for her. They do it for other people, maybe. Mattie does it for whatever is left. Maybe even for him. Heavy electronic music tides with the blood in her veins and emotions dissolve. _Oh, sad luv._


	9. Chapter 9

She texts _I'd come see you if I could._ and deletes it.  
  
Try again.  
_How's your wound?_  
Her thumb lingers over the small arrow, just to close the messenger and lay her hands over her face. Being brave is definitely not easy. Not when it's so fucking hard to be honest in the first place.  
  
Instead she looks up Youtube videos of talking cats, sends him a link and doesn't get a reply.  



	10. Chapter 10

In her contact list are names that do not make any sense to her anymore, for reasons she's not sure, but they are buried beneath sleepless nights and bed sheets and headaches. She stares for hours on the contact named 037, titled this way in a hurried attempt to make this into something more than it is, really. He'd laugh at her if he'd know. Mattie takes a screenshot and sends it to him.   
He replies with a full stop.


	11. Chapter 11

It's another eleven days later and the first blunt two seconds of Porter Robinson's _Sad Machine_ in her ears that make her text him her location, encrypted and without special effort, but with the scent of 3 a.m. urban poetry. She's in a club and she's had a few. First and foremost, has she had enough of this vicious circle. There're many synths in this place, possibly even more with hidden consciousness, and Mattie wishes he'd come for real. Bashfulness creeps up her spine and underneath her ribs and she types without thinking. 

_I don't need a pickup, just new shoes. My feet are killing me._

Her feet are fine. But her heart is in her mouth.

 _Send help_ , she thinks. _Kill me, please. Or give me a hundred more days to decide._

But reality is not that soothing and also not that courteous. Of course he doesn't come and of course she's being a loser for thinking that he would. She gives herself props for creativity, though. And tries to get over what's been holding her tight for weeks and what’s been inconclusive mind games all along. That is when Leo finds her then, between all these people, synths and humans alike, and he's the same as he’s been, except that his hair’s a little shorter, his beard a little longer. He hasn't brought any shoes, and his face is angry. In his eyes she does not read indifference and it makes her heart on her tongue stop racing. 

She leans into him to give him proof that this is not another wind-up, because it’s really anything but. 

He holds her there then, for about a second, then let’s go and stares at her. She catches his breath with her mouth. He’s as careful as ever and this is really not even close to writing and texting.


	12. Chapter 12

His skin is warm and her fingers are a little sweaty when she slides them underneath the hem of his sweater, as is her whole body from all the dancing. Not sexy at all. It’s been almost a year since they’ve last been anything near this close. They haven’t been this close, ever. She tries to put everything but the insecurity into her eyes as she meets his gaze. It’s the first time she isn’t being sarcastic and the first time he doesn’t look away. It must be the alcohol that makes her head spin and her fingers tremble. She thinks of words she hasn’t send him, which she has typed, but deleted later and she thinks of how to write codes for love confessions. When he kisses her again it’s almost as if he’s telling her not to. 

It’s definitely not easy to tell someone, who has the mentality of a robot and a genius at once, that you like them. She manages, though. Because she’s a genius, too. And that counts for something.

She speaks, amazed, for once, by her own voice.

When he goes back, he leaves rich in vowels. Laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched HUMANS in two days and these two really stuck. I feel like their relationship could turn into something really beautiful if amc just would. I also feel like Mattie's closer to feeling more for Leo than the other way around, at least for now, and I wanted to explore that. With the hint of Leo liking her back, as well. He's just way more subtle and doesn't think it'd work out anyways, so he doesn't show at all. Since Mattie is shown smoking weed in the show, I felt like when she leaves for Uni she'd do more, explore more, and she could be the type to get lost in dancing through a night. I do not think she'd be one to lose herself, though, which is why I wanted to display her being still in control. I also feel like they will not stop being in contact after this, so no worries. This is basically inspired by the many very beautiful fics that are already out there for this ship and which of course do a way better job at telling love stories about these two. Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
